Quality Time with your Spouse

Many times we find ourselves standing at the crossroads of a divorce and have no idea how we got there. What happened to the good times, when nothing else mattered but the love you shared with your husband or spouse? Have you truly changed that much that you are two completely different people than you were ten years ago?

The answer is, maybe. We find that we get so caught up in daily life, house, kids, work, shopping, etc. that we start forgetting about each other. What once used to be a ritual of kisses and love you’s turns into hard stares and hurt feelings. Most of us think that if we just stuff down all the bad things and not address them, they’ll go away. The problem is that they don’t.

You cannot ignore your spouse, except for on Saturday mornings and the occasional fling during the week. Your spouse should be the most important thing in your life, second to none. Your children should even be second, though a close second. You need to reconnect on the same level you were before. Communication is paramount.

Try turning the television off two nights a week and talking to your spouse. Meaningful conversation is the key. Don’t be afraid to say what is on your mind or in your heart, even if it’s tough or painful. It’s better to get it out in the open than to keep it festering inside. Try to approach your differences from his or her point of view. Many times, what we think we are saying or doing is innocent, but it’s hurtful to the people we love. Accept that you are not perfect and neither is your spouse and allow him or her to help you to understand who you are and how you affect others. The number one thing to remember is that it is not your spouse’s job to ensure your happiness. If you are not happy with yourself, your spouse will not be able to change it. It is up to you to find the source of your unhappiness and fix it. Don’t blame your spouse for things that he or she does not control.

You can also find a hobby that you can do together. Spending time enjoying each other’s company doesn’t always have to mean nights at the movies or dinner. It could mean spending four hours at a local drag racing strip helping your husband or wife fine tune a muscle machine. It could mean a spontaneous ride through the mountains on a motorcycle. Find something that you have in common and devote time to it.